Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
