What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
