So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
