Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
