I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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