There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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