So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
