yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
