I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize