Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
