I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
