I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
