I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
