I puked a lego.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Someone signed my nipple.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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