pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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