I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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