i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
