Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
