im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
