so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
