do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
