he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
