i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
