16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
