so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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