he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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