I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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