We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You made out with two different species that night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
