Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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