i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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