the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't deserve a penis
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
