New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
