I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
