he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
