i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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