what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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