when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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