For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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