I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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