Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
