i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
