Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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