is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i think i just lost a toe
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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