I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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