nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
