That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
