I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize