i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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