I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
