All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want her autograph on my taint
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
