can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
