im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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