does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
