the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
