My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
