i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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