I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
