He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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