Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
