you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
