I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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