Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
