I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
FUCK WHALES
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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