Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
