i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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