Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
