Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
