dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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