I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So. Much. Porn.
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