Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
