After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
