tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
