I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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