I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
