vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
